party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
