Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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