my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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