that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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