It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
