you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
