My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
