Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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