no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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