My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize