Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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