trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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