I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
