it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
