Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
