ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
