the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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