Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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