Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
