I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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