you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
