Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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