I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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