she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
