is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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