i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
