This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
