she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
