I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
