I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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Do I have a choice?
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Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
