I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
