the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize