she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize