after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
