I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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