In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
