jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
