I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
