I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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