You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
