hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
