My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
