Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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