Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
