this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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