yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
