but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drake has all the answers
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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