If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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