Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
