he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
