Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
