I puked a lego.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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