What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
