Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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