The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
