If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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