sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
