I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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