Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
