I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
