Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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