I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
