You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
