be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
