He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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