Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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