why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
