Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
