No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
