ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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