Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
