bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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