Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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