I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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