Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize