Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
