3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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