I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
