i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm passing your future prison.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
