No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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